Clint A. Brubakken wrote:
So John what about my stock options?
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 1999 12:21:33 -0600
From: James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>
To: humorix@xxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [humorix] Ask Humorix: Portal Mania
Ask Humorix: Portal Mania
January 18, 1999
We here at Humorix have no qualms against stealing an idea
from Slashdot and twisting it for our own purposes. In
that spirit, we present this first installment of "Ask
Humorix" in which the Humorix Oracle gives fake answers to
questions submitted by fake readers.
Today's question, submitted by A. McJenkins: "I've been
watching the explosive growth of Internet stocks. I'd like
to get in on this, but my brother says that the Net bubble
will soon burst. What should I do? Got any hot stock tips
to share?"
The Humorix Oracle says:
Dear Materialistic Supplicant,
Your brother is wrong. The explosive growth of high-tech
stocks will continue until all of the companies are
acquired by Microsoft. Even though many Net companies have
shown little or no profit, they are backed by an endless
stream of investments from venture capitalists chanting
buzzwords like "portal", "new media", and "e-commerce". My
advice: invest, invest, invest!
I do have one hot stock tip for you. The Air Capital Linux
Users Group will go public with its stock next week. I
guarantee that this IPO will be the hottest of the year.
[The Humorix legal team wants to point out that this
guarantee is not valid in most states. -- The Editor]
I'm sure you're scratching your head, wondering how a small
Linux LUG in Kansas has the potential to become a
multi-billion dollar company. Simple: they have a portal.
The ACLUG Linux News[1] page -- a portal -- combines the
news headlines from Slashdot, LinuxToday, Freshmeat, and
others, in addition to the latest User Friendly and Dilbert
cartoons into one page.
As history has shown, the stock price of any institution
maintaining anything remotely resembling a portal has
skyrocketed to unbelievable levels. In today's economy, if
you create a portal, you're a billionaire instantly. And
if you invest in a company with a portal, you can't
possibly lose.
[The Oracle's recommendation of ACLUG is based on the
objective analysis of stock trends and other factors. The
fact that ACLUG prominently displays Humorix headlines on
its "portal" page has absolutely no effect on the Oracle's
judgement in any way. Or, at least, that's what he claims.
-- The Editor]
You owe the Oracle an extra-large Slashdot T-shirt with the
slogan "I'm a Slashdot Longhair" on the back.
[1] http://www.aclug.org/news/
---
James "Slashdot Longhair" Baughn
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux
---
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