[aclug-L] Re: god

[phrostie <phrostie@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

found this on the intranet at work


"Frost, Keith A" wrote:

> ....you know, many important theological questions are answered if we
> think of God as a Computer Programmer:
>
> Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
> A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through all
> those variables.
>
> Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
> A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier versions.
>
> Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
> A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he
> logs on from home to try to bring it up.  Otherwise things can wait until
> tomorrow.
>
> Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
> A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars.
> On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend had left him.
>
> Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
> A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the
> maintenance phase.
>
> Q: Who is Satan?
> A: Satan is a MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he
> actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of him.
> God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.
>
> Q: What is the role of sinners?
> A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess up the
> system when God has made it idiot-proof.
>
> Q: Where will I go after I die?
> A: Onto a DAT tape.
>
> Q: Will I be reincarnated?
> A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you.  And searching
> those tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God
> will just say that the tape has been lost.
>
> Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
> A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running exact
> duplicates of you in the present release version.
>
> Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
> A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then the
> users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto  it and
> now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.
>
> Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
> A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off
> his back and let him program.
>
> Q: What is the one true religion?
> A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick the
> one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.
>
> Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
> A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common
> word, or a date like your birthday.
>
> Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
> A: They are much more likely to receive email.
>
> Phrostie
> Keith Frost
> Catia Designer
> BAS-Avionics
>  <<...>>

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