[aclug-L] Off topic/FW: MICROSOFT MERGER NEWS

["Frost, Keith A" <Keith.Frost@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

> Subject: MICROSOFT MERGER NEWS
> 
> 
> Thought you might like to know this:
> 
> REDMOND, Wash. - Nov. 8, 1999 -- In direct response to accusations made by
> the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it
> will
> be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an
> undisclosed sum.
> 
>  "It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth," said Microsoft
> chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for
> everyone."
> 
> Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the Oval office of the White
> House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press
> that changes will be "minimal." The United States will be managed as a
> wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned
> for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
> profitable by "Q4 2000 at latest," according to Microsoft president Steve
> Ballmer.
>  
> In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and
> enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft,
> and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting
> directly
> to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive
> authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief." He
> went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record," and that U.S.
> citizens should offer Gates their "full support and confidence."
>  
> Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he
> has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft. Gates
> dismissed
> a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as "silly," but he
> did say that he would make executive decisions for the U.S. government
> from
> his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates went on to say that
> the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished. "Microsoft isn't a
> democracy," he observed, "and look how well we're doing."
>  
> When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding,
> Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place."
> 
> Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United
> States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in
> government
> services and discounts on all Microsoft products.  
>  
> About Microsoft, Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the
> worldwide
> leader in software for personal computers, and democratic government. The
> company offers a wide range of products and services for public, business
> and personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and
> more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal
> computing and free society every day.  
>  
> About the United States Founded in 1789, the United States of America is
> the
> most successful nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon
> of
> democracy and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington,
> D.C., the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft
> Corporation.
> 
> "The United States of America" and "Microsoft" are registered trademarks
> of
> Microsoft Corporation.
> 
> 
>  
>