Re: [aclug-L] here is a laugh to start your day!!

[Jonathan Hall <jonhall@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

True story from SouthWind tech support:

One of our techs got a call and during the call asked the customer: "Do
you have Windows?"
Customer replied, "I live in a basement apartment."


On Tue, 31 Aug 1999, Michael Holmes wrote:

> 
> Technophobia - (true stories from files of Customer Service Departments)
> 
>           For that time when you have a moment and need a good laugh.
> 
> A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The
> techie
> asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman responded,
> "No,
> my desk is next to a door. But that's a good point, because the man
> sitting
> in the
> cubicle next to me IS under a window, and his is working fine."
>                                          **********
> Tech Support: "OK, Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
> same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
> type
> the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."Customer: "I don't have
> a
> 'P'."
> Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."Customer: "What do you mean?"
> Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."Customer: "I am not going to
> do
> that!"
>                                        **********
> Overheard, in a computer shop:
> Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
> Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety. How about this
> one?"
> Customer: "But will it be compatible with my computer?"
>                                      **********
> Customer in computer shop: "Would you copy the Internet onto this disk
> for
> me?"
>                                     **********
> Got a call from a woman who said that her laser printer was having
> problems:
> the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out all blurry. It
> seemed
> strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half, so I walked
> her
> through the basics, then went over and printed out a test sheet. It
> printed
> fine.
> I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the printer. As the
> paper
> started coming out, she yanked it out and showed it to me.
>                                    **********
> I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for
> 
> about
> a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't
> solve.She
> could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which
> truly
> baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and
> yellow.For
> instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed
> fine,
> so I
> knew that the yellow nozzle was not clogged.
> Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the
> customer change ink cartridges. Then I had her delete and reinstall the
> drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they could
> offer no
> new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell
> the
> customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly,
> 
> "Should
> I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this canary paper?"
>                                  **********
> A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's
> tech support number, complaining about the error message on his
> computer:
> "Can't find the printer."  The man said he even held the printer up in
> front
> of
> the screen, but the stupid computer still couldn't find it.
>                                **********
> Another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the
> opposite direction from the movement of her mouse. She also complained
> that the buttons were difficult to depress, and  the "tail" kept getting
> in
> her way.
> She was very embarrassed when I asked her to rotate the mouse so the
> cord
> pointed away from her.
>                              **********
> A friend of mine was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He
> noticed
> a young lady sitting at one of the work-stations with her arms crossed
> across
> her chest, staring motionless at the screen. After about 15 minutes he
> noticed
> that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently
> tapping
> her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied "Well! It's about
> time!
> I pressed the F1 button for help over twenty minutes ago!"
>                            **********
> The Customer Service Department at COMPAQ had an interesting call from a
> 
> customer who expressed dissatisfaction at the size of the opening in the
> 
> coffee cup
> holder. He complained that it was too costly for him to have to buy a
> giant-sized
> cup of coffee, because anything smaller would fall through the opening.
> Further
> conversation revealed that he had mistaken the CD ROM drawer for a cup
> holder!
> 
> MIKE
> 
> 

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  Jonathan Hall  *  jonhall@xxxxxxxxxxxx  *  PGP public key available
 Systems Admin, Future Internet Services; Goessel, KS * (316) 367-2487
         http://www.futureks.net  *  PGP Key ID: FE 00 FD 51
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