[aclug-L] here is a laugh to start your day!!

[Michael Holmes <maholmes@xxxxxxxxxx>]

Technophobia - (true stories from files of Customer Service Departments)

          For that time when you have a moment and need a good laugh.

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The
techie
asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman responded,
"No,
my desk is next to a door. But that's a good point, because the man
sitting
in the
cubicle next to me IS under a window, and his is working fine."
                                         **********
Tech Support: "OK, Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type
the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."Customer: "I don't have
a
'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."Customer: "I am not going to
do
that!"
                                       **********
Overheard, in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety. How about this
one?"
Customer: "But will it be compatible with my computer?"
                                     **********
Customer in computer shop: "Would you copy the Internet onto this disk
for
me?"
                                    **********
Got a call from a woman who said that her laser printer was having
problems:
the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out all blurry. It
seemed
strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half, so I walked
her
through the basics, then went over and printed out a test sheet. It
printed
fine.
I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the printer. As the
paper
started coming out, she yanked it out and showed it to me.
                                   **********
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for

about
a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't
solve.She
could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which
truly
baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and
yellow.For
instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed
fine,
so I
knew that the yellow nozzle was not clogged.
Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the
customer change ink cartridges. Then I had her delete and reinstall the
drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they could
offer no
new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell
the
customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly,

"Should
I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this canary paper?"
                                 **********
A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's
tech support number, complaining about the error message on his
computer:
"Can't find the printer."  The man said he even held the printer up in
front
of
the screen, but the stupid computer still couldn't find it.
                               **********
Another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the
opposite direction from the movement of her mouse. She also complained
that the buttons were difficult to depress, and  the "tail" kept getting
in
her way.
She was very embarrassed when I asked her to rotate the mouse so the
cord
pointed away from her.
                             **********
A friend of mine was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He
noticed
a young lady sitting at one of the work-stations with her arms crossed
across
her chest, staring motionless at the screen. After about 15 minutes he
noticed
that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently
tapping
her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied "Well! It's about
time!
I pressed the F1 button for help over twenty minutes ago!"
                           **********
The Customer Service Department at COMPAQ had an interesting call from a

customer who expressed dissatisfaction at the size of the opening in the

coffee cup
holder. He complained that it was too costly for him to have to buy a
giant-sized
cup of coffee, because anything smaller would fall through the opening.
Further
conversation revealed that he had mistaken the CD ROM drawer for a cup
holder!

MIKE