[aclug-L] [Fwd: [humorix] Did Al Gore Pass The Turing Test? The Results Are Still Coming In..]

["Clint A. Brubakken" <cabrubak@xxxxxxx>]

Waring Geek Political Humour:

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: [humorix] Did Al Gore Pass The Turing Test?  The Results Are
Still Coming In..
Date: Wed, 08 Nov 2000 20:52:16 -0600
From: James Baughn <jbaughn@xxxxxxx>
Reply-To: humorix@xxxxxxxxxxxx
Organization: Humorix World Domination
To: Humorix Mailing List <humorix@xxxxxxxxxxxx>

Did Al Gore Pass The Turing Test?  The Results Are Still
   Coming In...

By Phil T. Rich, Humorix's Interrim Book Cooker & 
   Keeper Of The Golden Checkbook

November 8, 2000

[Editor's Note: When your regular employees are on strike,
this is the kind of crap the scabs and fill-ins produce. We
apologize in advance for this bomb, but we're desperate for
content and I'm too lazy to write something myself.]

SOMEWHERE IN SOUTH FLORIDA -- Computer scientists eagerly
await the outcome of the 2000 Election From Hell(tm), which
will decide once and for all whether the creation known as
Al Gore is truly the world's first artificially intelligent
robot.

"This will be an historic day," explained a staunch Gore
supporter from Pennsylvania. "Well, actually, maybe
tommorrow if the results don't come in yet.  Or maybe next
Thursday. Geez... just how long does it take to count
votes?  If Al Gore  (Advanced Logic Gate Organism & Robot
Entity) were President, he'd invent a new open-source
tabulating machine that could tally votes and output the
results to the Information Superhighway within
microseconds."

Experts in AI consider the US Presidential race the
ultimate form of the Turing Test.  "People simply aren't
going to vote for a candidate that they think isn't human,"
said Dr. N. P. Kompleete of the University Of East St.
Louis. "They might vote for dead people -- well, if they're
from Missouri they might -- but they simply aren't going to
vote for a nominee that's obviously coded in C++."

Actually, our Vast Spy Network(tm) informs us that Al
Gore's brain is actually coded in Perl.  But that's just a
minor detail.

"So if Gore wins," Dr. Kompleete continued, "that means he
was able to fool a plurality of the US voters into thinking
he's human.  That would be quite an achievement."

Nevertheless, approximately 49% of the voters cast their
votes for somebody else, which raises doubts about whether
Al Gore can truly pass the Turing Test.  "A lot of people
had their suspicions during the debates, in which at every
appearance Al Gore seemed to be a difference person.  That,
indeed, was the case -- Al was upgraded between each
debate, reaching Version 3.12b before the final round,"
explained a professor from Texas whose name I can't
remember how to spell.

"It was a tough match, but Bush had the upper hand: nobody
could argue he was a robot.  Computers, after all, don't
use words like 'sublimiminal' and they always know the
correct names and pronounciations of foreign leaders."
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